The Other Rugby World Cup
19th March 2011

Disappointment and anger at losing the Rugby World Cup is coalescing into resolve among stricken sports fans in Christchurch.

Bob's Parka, spokesman for the city's mayor, voiced the concerns of many in Christchurch. “We've had the silt kicked out of us left, right and centre over the past few weeks and this is the needle that breaks the camel's last straw.”

Parka revealed a breath-taking plan to recapture the World Cup – and go one better. “Most of Christchurch went sideways in the earthquake and our thinking has to go that way too. We need to turn disaster into opportunity and use that to relaunch our city.”
The plan being hastily put together by sports administrators, community leaders, EQC and insurance companies is a carefully guarded secret but sources close to Parka have hinted at a major international rugby tournament to be staged in and around Christchurch at the same time as the Rugby World Cup later this year.
AMI stadium under-groundsman, Jock's Trap, compares the new tournament to Kerry Packer's cricket circus that challenged the status quo 30 years ago and ushered that game into the professional age. “The word going around is that we'll see a rival tournament of teams put together with some of the biggest names in international rugby playing a modified game that is fast, free flowing and totally crowd-pleasing.”
Looking across AMI's badly scarred grounds, Trap says the modifications to the game will probably be dictated by the state of the playing surface. “At the moment you'd struggle to hold a crazy golf tournament here so clearly we have to think away from the normal game of rugby. For example, you probably don't need an oval ball to give you unpredictable bounce. And with all those sand traps out on the pitch you'd do well to introduce golf clubs into the game.”
Starting a new tournament from scratch just months out from the official World Cup doesn't phase its backers. “The organisation's all there,” says Parka. “We just have to transfer it to the new plan.”
Parka was tight-lipped when asked how they will persuade top players to break their contracts with the IRB, but local rugby commentator Adam's Apple believes there are some very deep pockets backing the new tournament. “It's like that old movie about Watergate,” says Apple. “You have to follow the money, and when you see who's going into the meetings you start to put two and two together.”
Apple's concerns clearly point to the involvement of the EQC and insurance industry. Trap again: “why do insurance companies want to get involved in a rugby match? They're cooking something up.”
A leaked memo gives weight to their concerns. Sources close to Parka are worried that he and others in the council are being persuaded by the insurance companies to transfer their liability for the city's earthquake damage to the new tournament. They say that instead of paying out many thousands of small claims over many months or years, insurance companies and EQC will make a single payment of the total amount of damage to the city to fund the tournament.
Amy's Cott, an analyst for Robobank, says the idea is a gamble but it just might work. “It's the kind of blue-skies thinking we need to lift this country out of the economic mire. The tournament and its spinoffs could do for Christchurch what 20/20 cricket has done for India. If it works we could be the sole proprietors of the latest global sporting craze. The profits will be enormous, more than enough to rebuild the city.”
And if it fails?
“If it fails,” opines Parka, “then we're all up silt creek without a shovel, which is about where we are now, so what have we got to lose?”