Weight Watchers in a bun fight
6th March 2010

Dieters have rushed to defend the decision by Weight Watchers to approve several McDonalds’ popular meal items. The move, which allows the fat-conscious to clip their ticket under the golden arches for the first time, has been scorned by dieticians and sundry other spoilsports but Weight Watchers clients give it the thumbs up.

Tracy (name withheld), a Weight Watchers client, was revelling in her first visit to Ashburton McDonalds last night. “Oh, this is like heaven! Y’know, I was never allowed into this place and used to hang outside while my friends came in. They’d pass me a couple of fries through the window and then I’d be over my points and I’d be so upset I’d go home and eat half a loaf of fried bread.”

McDonalds and Weight Watchers have worked secretly for over a year to develop the low-calorie meals. There are several items, from burgers to salads, all with catchy titles drawn from the boxing lexicon. We found Rachel (real name Beryl Flutey, from Dunsandel) tucking into a McFeatherweight burger and McFlyweight salad. “Well it’s basically a chicken burger with some feathers in it. I think the feathers kind of stop you from wanting to eat it all so it keeps your points down. And the salad’s called the Fly-thingee because it’s so light. I don’t think it actually has any flies in it.”

McDonalds’ food development manager, Bill ‘Tupper’ Knight, says the breakthrough was in the cooking oil. “We were experimenting with different kinds of low-cal oils and eventually stumbled on a linseed-based furniture polish. It’s a good hot cooker and it also makes the food really shiny, which is good from the marketing side.”

Weight Watchers believes the move will give it an edge in the increasingly competitive dieting industry. Difficult economic times and dieter turn-off had seen a slump in the sales of its own branded diet meals. Tracy agrees that the Weight Watchers meals are hard to stomach. “Honestly, I used to eat them at work because all the girls did and, y’know, you don’t want to be left out. But there’s a limit to the amount of shaved cardboard and tiny designer tomatoes you can put up with.”

Rachel agrees. “They taste like crap and they don’t really work. I’ve been dieting for 22 years and if I’d met all my targets I’d be, like, 18 kilos by now.”

“Same,” says Tracy, “and I’m still, y’know, really short too. So I may as well enjoy myself.”

Critics say the move will place dieters under pressure. “McDonalds is the evil empire for people trying to lose weight,” argues Chris P. Wafer of Sweet Fatties Anonymous. “Sending dieters into McDonalds is like setting up a chocolate wheel in a casino and telling all the compulsive gamblers they can go in there safely and use it.”

Weight Watchers claims the strategy marks a shift in the fight against obesity. In a press release it argues, “for too long we have told dieters to stay away from the temptation of fatty food. But the reality of daily life is that we live in a high-cal world. It’s important that dieters are exposed to temptation and are supported to rise above it with some safe food options.”

Chris P. Wafer rubbishes this argument. “Here at Sweet FA we believe this move is like setting up a soda stream in a public bar and telling all the alcoholics they can go in there safely and use it.”

Rachel has no problem with the temptation to eat McDonalds regular food items. “Yeah, of course I will. I mean I’ve eaten the healthy things so my diet’s sweet and now I can get into this apple pie. And I’ll need a thick shake to wash down the feathers.”

The move has attracted wide interest from other sectors. Gambling support groups and Alcoholics Anonymous are reported to be investing in chocolate wheels and soda streams.