New Slogan Excites Debate
23rd February 2008


Debate over a new slogan for Ashburton deepened this week with rumours that the District Council has committed millions of dollars of ratepayers’ funds to acquire the famous Tui catch-phrase.

Ashburton mare, Bede O’Malley, has refused to comment on the speculation, but in a terse press release Council spokesperson, Edgar ‘Tiny’ White (Parks & Gardens) has denied the rumours.

“There is absolutely no intention to use the Tui slogan in Mid-Canterbury,” he said. “It is Council’s view that Ashburton - Yeah Right would not capture the spirit of our community going forward.”

Mr White confirmed that a new slogan will be in place before Wheels Week in May.

“Over the years we’ve had a bit of grief about our slogan from the numerous petrol heads, sorry, ‘car enthusiasts’ who visit during Wheels Week. Whatever It Takes has tended to be seen by visitors as a licence for bad behaviour.”

Guardian readers agree. “Whatever It Takes was fine for the 90s,” writes Pickles from Hampstead. “It was a desperate slogan for desperate times but it led to some pretty poor decision-making about development in our district. Our new slogan will have to be a lot more self-respecting.”

“Whatever It Takes was rubbish,” blasts Miss Fortune from Chertsey. “It was the catch-cry of a superannuated call-girl.”

Many local residents are rising to the challenge of finding a new slogan that captures the spirit of our place. A vigorous debate has been raging through the Guardian’s website and editorial pages for weeks.

Predictably, many of the suggestions are inspired by local geography: Plain and Simple, Plain Magic and The Heart of the Plains are just a few.

These suggestions are vociferously rejected by others. N Spired of Allenton writes, “The slogan can be anything as long as it doesn’t mention ‘plains’ or ‘heartland.’ Do we want Ashburton to be linked to the word ‘plain’? And heartland has been done to death. Give us something more original!”

Others draw on Ashburton’s location at the centre of the South Island, or its close proximity to Christchurch. Ashburton – Just Down The Road is the choice of Mrs Ima Divot of Netherby. Which draws a response from Fred in Pleasant Point, who writes, “Mrs Divot should remember that from South Canterbury Ashburton is Just Up The Road.”

An undeterred Mrs Divot then suggests we could have two slogans: Just Down The Road for places north of the township and Just Up The Road for places south.

“What about, Ashburton – Middle of the Road?” offers Compromise from Tinwald. “I think that sums us up nicely.”

“Well, if we really want people to stop here why not The End of the Road?” retorts the feisty Mrs Divot.

“That would look just peachy on a sign at the northern end of town within sight of the cemetery,” observes Fruit Loop of Netherby.

Another tranche of slogans draw inspiration from the district’s major economic activities. Dairy enthusiasts have submitted Ashburton – Udderly Fabulous, Teats R Us and Land of Milk and Money. An inspired crop farmer suggests New Zealand’s Bread Basket or Serious Cereals.

A lively entry in the debate comes from The Lab Coat Girls from Talleys. “Dear Sir,” they write, “we work in the lab at Talley’s and we have a lot of fun. We tell our mates we work in a pea lab and, oh, how they laugh! Anyway, we thought what about a slogan that celebrates the vegetable industry? Some suggestions are: Ashburton – Have a Pea. Or what about Minted Peas, or Mixed Vegetables? We think these really are what Mid-Canterbury is all about.”

“Those girls need to get out more,” responds Grizz from Methven. “No, for a slogan you’ve gotta look at our resources, and that means water. I reckon Ashburton – Pour It On is a winner. You could paint it on big signs hung from centre pivots across highway one at each end of the town. You could even have the centre pivots working so visitors to the town would get a little shower on their way through. That’s a ripper idea, I reckon.”

“Actually, the whole point of a slogan is to give us an edge over our neighbours,” argues F. Lukes (Dr). “So what we should do is trump our neighbour’s slogans. Take Rolleston, for example. Their slogan, Town Of The Future, begs to be topped. I suggest we make ours Ashburton – The Future Starts Here.”

“Once again I point out the proximity of the cemetery,” pipes Fruit Loop of Netherby.

“And none of these ideas capture the vibrancy and energy of the district,” laments Speedy of Rosebank. “My suggestion is On The Move! or On The Run!”

“On the Run sounds great,” chime in the Lab Coat Girls. “It could go with Have a Pea.”

With quality debate such as this our new slogan is bound to be a winner. But whatever we decide to call ourselves one thing is certain. To the rest of the country we will always be, affectionately, Ashvegas.