Argyle Park Will Dominate Local Election
11th August 2007

There are times when the credibility of local government hangs by a thread, when an issue appears from nowhere and cuts deeply into the tangled knot of factions, interests and overlapping constituencies of small town politics.

The question of whether Ashburton golfers should be allowed to club their way around Argyle Park has reared up with the unpredictable ferocity of a twister. Close to an election it is an issue that has local politicians looking carefully at how the pancake is going to fall – and whether they’ll end up wearing the sticky side.

Argyle Park’s connection with golf (or ‘golf links’) dates back to the early years of last century when local golfers regularly used the area. Many of today’s petitioners believe the park is named from the brand of knitwear that was the preferred attire of early Mid-Canterbury club swingers.

In those days the word ‘golf’ was rarely used. The game was still known by its original title, ‘flog’, and was a much more robust affair than the modern version. Early reports describe frenzied games of flog involving teams of up to 20 players attacking each other with heavy wooden clubs in the muddy paddocks behind Allenton. Matches frequently ended in bloodshed and ‘a good flogging.’

Suburban encroachment eventually severed Argyle Park’s connection with the game until its recent revival as a practise venue for local golfers.

The question now confronting the Council is whether golf can safely co-exist with other uses of Argyle Park. Reports of misdirected golf balls colliding with houses, dogs, garden ornaments and sundry other suburban icons have raised the ire of local residents.

One householder, who declined to be named, described the terror of life in the firing line. “I was hanging out the washing just the other week and I got a golf ball right up my back passage. What made it worse was the golfer went straight in there after it. By the time I got inside the carpet was just a mess of divots.”

Brent Wallop, a spokesperson for GAPS (“Golfers in Argyle Park, Stupid”) says the problems are confined to a small group of freestyle golfers. “These idiots are the petrol heads of the golfing world. In their game the player scores points for taking the least direct route to the pin. They delight in squirting the ball off in all directions. I’ve seen one of these turkeys drive off a tee shot that comes back and lands behind him.”

In a bid to outflank the issue Council is experimenting with bungee golf. In this version of the game the ball is tied to a long bungee cord. When struck, the ball travels the length of the cord then returns at speed toward the golfer, enabling the game to be played in confined spaces.

Speaking from his hospital bed the inventor of bungee golf, Brian Flaws, admits there are a few wrinkles in his idea. “The issue of protective clothing obviously needs thinking through a bit.”

Overshadowing the immediate question of golf is the potentially more damaging issue of allowing access to other sporting and recreational groups that have until now been kept out of local parks.

One of these is the Ashburton Smallbore Rifle Association, ASMAR. Association president, Roger Blasted, takes up the story.

“Since we lost our bid to relocate to Hakatere we’ve been panicking about where we’ll go. If the golfers get Argyle Park that sets a precedent for groups like ourselves.”

Mr Blasted agrees that allowing both golfers and shooters into Argyle Park would be a stretch.

“Some of the trap shooting boys are keen to talk to the golfers about working together. They reckon they could set up at the other end of the driving range and shoot the golf balls while they’re in the air. That would probably save a few windows and dogs. But we’d rather talk to the Council about getting access to another park; perhaps the Domain or Baring Square.”

Other groups with bids in the pipeline include Mid-Canterbury Stockcars, the archery association and the Tinwald Ceilidh Club.

Parks director, Dave Askin, fears for the future of our public spaces if groups such as these become regular users. “I’m particularly worried about the Ceilidh Club. All those Irish dancers will play havoc with our turf.”

Meanwhile the battle lines in the debate are being drawn. Local residents of Argyle Park plan an all-night vigil which will include burning effigies of local golfers.

Brent Wallop says golfers are undeterred. “We’re prepared to go all the way with this. I’ll put 20 guys with putters onto the Council table if necessary.”

With this issue set to dominate the election councillors are keeping their heads down - especially those close to Argyle Park.