Books a Great Gift Idea This Christmas
December 16th 2006


Welcome to Kristmas Korner, The Guardian’s on-paper guide to great gift buying. Today we check out the bookshops and discover some sensational works from the literary giants of 2006.

First up, Donald Brash. Yes, National’s former leader has been hammering away with the Parker pen to get his side of the story into the shops before Christmas. The DonKey Years (Has-Been Press, $19.99) is a no-holds-barred expose of the relationship between The Don and his former protege, John Key. Brash depicts himself as an incisive leader who nevertheless retained a whimsical charm. The chapter describing late-night paperclip races is poignant and leaves the reader wondering how events may have shaped if Brash had just once let Key win by stringing more paperclips together.

Not satisfied with one offering Don Brash follows up The DonKey Years with All My Emails (Sneaky Publications, $89.99). Clearly The Don is still smarting over the leaking of his private emails and has gone for the jugular, publishing every email he wrote or received during his time as National’s leader. His mastery of text language is mprssv and the appendices listing his dry cleaning dockets are enthralling. This four volume work is a must for camping and beach holidays – perfect for pressing wild flowers and smiting those moths that fly into the tent late at night.

Prime Minister Helen Clark adds her voice with a colourful little stocking-stuffer nattily titled A Million Bucks! How the Hell Do We Pay That? (Smokescreen Publishers, $35.95). The book describes Clark’s views on the fiasco surrounding Labour’s election spending. It is a poor read; tendentious, self-serving and occasionally hysterical. The flow of the story is hindered by numerous appeals for donations and collapses altogether when Clark offers to auction New Year’s Honours to help pay the debt.

Clark redeems herself a little when she reflects on her early political career. The chapter detailing Labour’s 1980s policies, cleverly ghost-written by David Lange, offers new light on the inner workings of the party.

By comparison Brian Connell’s Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow? (Vanity Press, $3.50) is a swashbuckling tale of wounded pride, thwarted ambition and naked lust for power. Connell reveals a talent for racy prose in a story that is subtitled ‘a memoir’ but which we hope is at least partially fiction.

Connell’s emotion is raw as he describes his ejection from National’s caucus:
“I threw myself, sobbing, at Gerry Brownlee’s feet, clawing his ankle socks in despair. Callously, Brownlee, WHO HAD ONCE BEEN MY FRIEND, signalled to his rottweilers, Smith and Williamson. Seizing me by my flowing locks they hauled me from the room, my fingernails gouging deep tracks in the shag pile, and hurled me into the cold night. As the door slammed I heard cheers and, above all, a single voice (English’s?) crowing ‘who wants Rakaia? It’s up for grabs.’”

By the end of the book Connell, the self-styled Colossus of Chertsey, is a haunted figure huddled in a corner of the debating chamber popping bubble wrap while the tides of history flow around him. The reader is left asking, ‘is this man really our MP?’

To complete the political fare this Kristmas the Exclusive Brethren have published what they hope will be a best seller. Exclusive! The Brethren’s Guide to Political Lobbying (Almighty Press, $18.95) is a step-by-step hand book for the activist. The book covers fundraising, making contact with senior party apparatchiks, exerting leverage and remaining incognito. The short section entitled Counting the Cost is revealing.

Nicky Hager hits the shelves again with a sequel to The Hollow Men. His new book exposes the dieting industry and is called The Hollow Women (Fodder & Stouton, $29.95).

Local stories, always popular, are again a feature of the Kristmas season. Mid-Canterbury historian and erstwhile news hound Michael Hanrahan has published a sumptuous and imaginative survey of the Rangitata Diversion Race. Far Canal (Cryptic Holdings, $73.99) follows the journey of a dead sparrow, killed when sucked into the Rangitata river intake, along the length of the RDR.

Hanrahan displays a fine mastery of his material and a deftness of metaphor, carefully contrasting the sparrow’s tiny corpse with the regenerative power of the RDR’s water on the farmland of our district. Hanrahan fleshes out the story with anecdotes of the people and places bordering the RDR and many interesting pictures of concrete pipes.

There are moments of drama. When the sparrow disappears into the North Branch siphon we wait breathlessly to see if, like Pooh sticks, he will pop out the other side.

Far Canal, at 1400 pages, offers rather too much detail for the average reader. By the time the dead sparrow vanishes into the Highbank turbines in a puff of sodden feathers we too are glad to have reached the end of our journey.

That’s all for Kristmas Korner today. Remember, you can buy online at http://www.ivebeenhad.com/